i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
