He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
