i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
