i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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