Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
