This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
