You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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