I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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