they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize