I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
