They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
