there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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