Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm at about main and main street
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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