Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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