my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
