hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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