I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
