forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
