I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
