my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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