I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dignity is for republicans.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pants are for mortals
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
