look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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