i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
