Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
