It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
