Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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