you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
