i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I want a musical about memes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
