you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
