Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
