I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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