Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
