Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize