i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want a musical about memes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
