he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
