thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
