Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You pole danced in your parka.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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