Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
