The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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