think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
