i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
