Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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