I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
