He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
