I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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