he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
