i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
