Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
