What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
