I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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