OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
