I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
