i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
