Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
