Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
