Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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