we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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