Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize