it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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